08.06
The 8th July 2010 was the released date for the long awaited Predators movie, of course being a huge fan of the original Predator movie and the follow ups including AVP (underrated) I went to watch this movie with high expectations. The trouble with having high expectations of a movie is that it can ruin it for you, it happened with the Simpsons, Transformers 2, Iron Man 2 and many others.
The plot is basically the following: A group of friendly people (supposedly the most dangerous and deadly people on earth) are kidnapped from their home planet by aliens (the predators) and dropped off on an alien planet. These deadly and dangerous people soon meet up and become best friends and try to make sence of what has happened. While discussing what they remember and clearly having no idea they are no longer on earth, they are ambushed by predator dogs. The predator dogs do a mean job of scaring the shit out of the humans but are soon owned by sniper lady, Ivan Drago and the man with the big nose.
The predator dogs are soon called back to base by their predator owners and the group realise that somebody is missing. Its Danny Trejo (Johnny 23 from Con Air), they find him a couple of moments later but he is already dead and being used as bait by the predators. The group, still thinking he is alive decide that they cant be bothered to save him so sniper lady owns him a bit more. The group now come to the conclusion that they are being hunted because the big nose man says so.
The group, still oblivious that they are on an Alien planet decide the best thing to do is walk. So the group walk and walk and walk until the come to a clearing in the jungle, they then shit bricks because they realise that they are on another planet. The other massive planets in the sky gives this away to them but for some reason they did not notice it before… Anyway they carry on walking for a bit more until they find a camp where they see what appears to be the predator dogs strung up and skinned. Also tied up to a chunk of a metal is our friend the predator from the original predator movie (I thought Arnie minced him?).
The group is all like “WOW WTF IS THAT!?” and then they start getting schooled by invisible predators. After getting their asses handed to them, the group manages to escape by falling down a waterfall, sadly sniper women doesn’t get covered in mud. After sniper women explains that she knows what the predators are, the big nose bad ass decides that they are going to set up a defensive perimeter and kill every single one of them (very ambitious in my opinion). So the group walk off to set up their defensive perimeter but are unaware that the predators are secretly watching them using a robot scout bird thing.
So the defensive perimeter is set up and the group is eagerly awaiting the arrival of the predators so they can start kicking some ass. After a little wait with no predators, the big nose bad ass decides that the doctor (Topher Grace) should be the one to run out in to the jungle as bait and try to attract the baddies. The doctor of course has no objection to this and takes on his new role as the maggot on the fishing hook with great determination. The doctor runs around like a mad man and eventually starts being chased by some creature, sniper lady manages to head shot the creature and the group run out to liaise with the doctor.
The group then inspect the body and realise that it is not a predator and that sniper lady had actually missed her shot. Then from out of no where, what appears to be a predator de cloaks itself and points his laser cannon at the big nose bad ass’s head. After the big nose bad ass asks “What the fuck are you” the “predator” lowers his gun and takes its mask off. To no ones surprise the predator is actually a fat Morpheus (he must of got bored fighting agents). Morpheus takes them back to his fully furnished 1 bedroom apartment and explains to the group that he has been on the planet 10 seasons and that there is a war between two differernt types of predators.
Morpheus then pretends he is tired and tells the group he is going to bed, after a while of pretending to go to bed he sneaks out and sets a fire outside his apartment to try and smoke out his new friends (guess he didn’t like them much). The group realises what’s going on and the bad ass decides to try and blow a hole in the wall. This however fails but alerts the predators of their whereabouts. After a few moments of Morpheus talking to his schizophrenic alternative personality, he realises he is not alone and gets owned by a predator.
The group manages to escape the smoke filled apartment and starts to run away from the predator through a labyrinth of corridors. The”doctor” manages to separate himself from the rest of the group and gets lost (not a very clever doctor). While the rest of the group is escaping, the predator manages to track down the doctor and starts to corner him. From out of no where Ivan Drago appears and starts to beat up the predator *pew pew*, the doctor escapes but Ivan is sadly killed. A grenade goes off within the labyrinth and takes out the predator (1 down 2 to go).
So now there are 2 predators left and 4 members of the group (Big nose, Sniper lady, Doctor and Yakuzza). The group is escaping back in to the jungle when the Yakuzza man realises he has no shoes on, he knows the predators can detect heat so he decides to stay behind and hunt him some predator. Yakuzza man is armed with a samurai sword that he stole from Morpheus’s house (probably why Morpheus tried to kill them). He waits for the predator in the opening before the jungle. The predator arrives and they have a pretty lame sword fight resulting in both their deaths (2 down 1 to go).
So the doctor, sniper lady and big nose are escaping in to the jungle when *BAM* the doctor dude gets caught in a bear trap and mangles his leg up. Big nose tells doctor that he will just slow them down and try’s to leave him behind but the sniper lady isn’t having any of it. Sniper lady stays behind helping the doctor until they are inevitably captured and tossed down a rabbit hole (they should of took the blue pill). Doctor dude now shows his true colours and explains he isn’t a doctor at all but he is in fact a mass murder. He poisons sniper lady with some plant stuff that he found earlier.
meanwhile big nose bad ass is showing just how bad ass he is by cutting down our friend predator from earlier and becoming best friends with him. He convinces predator to give him a ride home in his space ship so they can live happily ever after. However on their way to the spaceship they encounter the last predator, friendly predator starts hopelessly trying to kill bigger predator while big nose escapes on the ship. Friendly predator gets pretty owned by the bigger predator and then bigger predator blows up the ship that big nose is apparently escaping on.
Back to the rabbit hole and the doctor is just about to have his way with sniper lady when from out of no where… big nose appears. He gave up his one and only chance of getting off the alien planet and going back to earth so that he could save sniper lady (yes we would all do the same wouldn’t we). Anyway big nose realises that doctor guy is actually psycho murdering guy and decides to use him as bait. The remaining predator comes back unaware of what big nose has planned for him, he see’s the doctor helplessly on the floor and cannot resist the urge to own him.
Big nose bad ass sets a fire around the predator so that the predator cant pick up his heat signature. Big nose the proceeds to repeatedly smack the predator with an axe before running off and hiding behind a tree. Little did big nose know though that the predator has some new neat gadgets, one of them being a sonar. So while big nose is hiding behind a tree the predator turns on this sonar and then picks up on his heart beat.
Anyway big nose escapes, kills the predator and saves the sniper lady. They don’t manage to escape the alien world but at least they have each others company.
So my problems with the movie are as follows:
- Morpheus should of had a bigger part and died in a more spectacular way,
- How can a group of people kill 3 bigger badder predators when 1 smaller predator wiped Arnies special trained commandos?
- I persoanly belive that Adrien Brody was not suited to this role,
- The Yakuzza sword fight should have been more epic,
- Sniper Lady did not get naked,
6/10
